The quality of relationships

“Relationships” is a series of three remarkable texts posted a few weeks ago by healer/teacher Khris Krepcik :

http://www.thehoodedsage.com/2012/01/relationships/

http://www.thehoodedsage.com/2012/01/relationships-ii/

http://www.thehoodedsage.com/2012/02/relationships-iii/

Here are large extracts:

Part I

The quality of your life comes down to the quality of your relationships.

(…)

A relationship is the way in which any two things act, regard, and behave between each other.

(…)

Good relationships do not come from mastering others. Good relationships come from mastering oneself.

The funny thing about relationships is that you can tell another person exactly what they need to do to change, heal, and improve their relationships, and they will still screw up their relationships.

Why is that?

Human Ego. People do not want to change, heal, and improve themselves. People want to change, heal, and improve the other person—otherwise known as “control”.

And control is not the way it works.

All a person ever really needs is acceptance.

Acceptance is the way it works. Appreciation is the way it works. Compromise is the way it works—and that means Sacrifice is the way it works. No one likes to hear it.

The Only Thing that ruins Relationships is the Selfishness of the Human Ego. Desire. Emotion and Mind.

Desire = Lack.

Emotion and Mind = Reaction and Opinion.

Do you understand?

Relationship = Communication.

A Good Relationship = Good Communication.

Good communication is the ability to share feelings, thoughts, and ideas — not bash each other around with emotional reactions to the rigid intellectual opinions of each other’s minds. It’s simply a matter of Openness.

Relationships are a reflection of the quality in which you act, regard, and behave towards others. Be kind. Care. Listen.

The Secret to a Good Relationship is to be Selfless and Sensitive to the Other Person’s Needs.

The only problem with that little equation is that we live in a world of ego—and just because you may be working to transcend your own ego—does not mean that the other person is.

And what their ego wants and what a person really needs are two entirely different things.

You must discern between whether or not you are serving the ego (the illusions) of another or their true intrinsic needs. This is true strength.

(…)

Relationships change, evolve, and grow

(…)

Egos fall. Minds crack. Things change. The nature of relationships changes.

(…)

Sometimes you have to hold on to others. Sometimes you have to let them go. Wisdom is knowing which and when to do so. Love is allowing others to do what they need to do, even when it hurts.

But pain is only an inner contradiction to an opinion. And all you have to do is change your mind and accept things. You have to allow others to go their own way. Love them anyway, and embrace them in your arms, when they come back. And if they never come back, remember the good things.

(…)

People destroy their own relationships with their own egos, their own dysfunction, their own emotional imbalances, and their own rigid intellectual opinions.

They push the blame on everyone and everything else, but in the end—they have no one else to blame—but themselves. You either handle yourself with quality—or you don’t.

(…)

Sadly, this world does contain malicious people (those that cause harm), and the most dangerous relationships are those involving abuse.

(…)

If you’re in an abusive relationship—Ditch It. This is the only true answer. Leave.

There are only two alternatives to Relationships—Fix It—or Ditch it—because dysfunction doesn’t work.

(…)

Everything in life is in Relationship with everything else in life. Everything is Connected. Everything is in a constant communication. Everything is in a constant state of interacting.

The only real question is the quality of the connection, the quality of the communication, the quality of the interaction.

Everything is Energy. Everything is a Feeling. And the Quality of Your Life is within the Ability to Feel Everything. The Quality of Your Life is within the Ability to Relate to Everything. Life’s Mystical. Life’s a Relationship.

Part II

Once you realize that the quality of your relationships comes down to the quality in the way you handle yourself—you can relate to just about anybody.

The ability to relate to someone is nothing more than the ability to care and to listen. This grants the ability to feel what they are feeling. It’s simply a matter of silencing your own ego, emotion, and opinions — in exchange for reaching an understanding of them.

(…)

The only thing that hinders the successful sharing of feelings, ideas, and information — is the rigidity of the mind — the rigid intellectual opinions of the mind — and bashing each other around with the stupidity of each other’s stupid opinions. Let’s ditch the stupidity.

Sharing is a matter of Openness. Open-Mindedness. Not Close-Mindedness.

(…)

The moment you Shut Down your Open Mind — is the very moment the Conversation is Over. It’s all just the bs lip service of your ego, after that. Pointlessness. Conversations Kill — because of the interjection of inner negativity — the coldness of rigid intellectual opinions. Nothing more.

Most people are so wrapped up in their own ego and the inner dialogue of their own minds, that they fail to see the one thing in front of their face — required for a relationship to even work — the other person.

Relationships involve Two. Not just you, but you and the other person. What does the other person feel? What does the other person really need? Can you sacrifice your selfishness long enough to even know?

(…)

The ability to achieve and maintain harmony is primarily within the quality of your own behavior — not your opinions — but the way you behave — the quality in which you handle yourself — the quality in which you handle things — the Subtle Art of Negotiation.

Obviously, the more interests you have in common with someone — the better the relationship is, but that is simply what defines the type of relationship. No matter what type of relationship is concerned — family, friends, business, whatever — the quality of who and what you are should remain the same — to be authentic, genuine, and true.

Part III

Relationships are simple. What makes relationships so hard?

(…)

The ego and the rigid intellectual opinions of the mind make relationships hard — nothing more.

What’s so hard about being kind? What’s so hard about being down to earth and real? What’s so hard about being open and sincere? What’s so hard about sharing? What’s so hard about being generous? What’s so hard about being Light-Hearted?

Nothing. There’s nothing hard about it. Rigid minds make things hard.

(…)

The secret to good relationships is in developing the quality of your own behavior

(…)

Develop the quality of your attitudes and inner feelings — a sense of Virtue — and it will guide the quality of your actions in life. This determines the quality of your relationships in life. Simple.

Beyond the simple basics, the main reason to develop the quality of your attitude and inner feelings — is because any negative attitude or inner feeling towards another human being is the exact same thing as black magic on an energy level.

People are constantly bashing each other around.

Anger, anxiety, desire, disdain, envy, fear, greed, hatred, jealousy, lust, panic, rage, sadness, worry — any of it — they all create and project etheric blocks, binds, darkness, hits, and sickness onto others.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           This This is why the quality of your relationships is a matter of mastering yourself — your attitudes — your inner feelings — your behavior — because good relationships are those that are nurturing to the Body, Mind, and Spirit of others — not degrading to them.

It’s not enough to preach peace and love — if you silently harbor evil attitudes.

Beyond the ego — beyond emotional reactions and the rigid intellectual opinions of your mind — there is a deeper mystical connection between all living things.

You can feel the quality of a tree. You can feel the beauty of a flower. You can feel the natural spirituality of a dog. You can feel the inner wisdom and flowing spirit of a river.

Everything is energy. Everything is in a constant Relationship with everything else. This is the underlying nature of reality.

And the quality in which you experience reality is a reflection of the quality of your own attitudes and inner feelings — the quality of your very own consciousness — in Relationship to the quality of consciousness within all living things.

Develop an Inner Kindness.

Thanks, Khris, for this beautiful piece of wisdom.

It fits perfectly in the paradigm shift that many enlightened people explain with increasing clarity, rigour and coherence.

Fear not, be kind to living creatures, water and stones.

Love,

Leo

Copyright © Leo Foresta 2012

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